Thursday, July 19, 2007


This graphic is wonderful.  All full of color and happiness, which is what I need alot of right now.  I am not sure what is going on with me but I sure am not my normal self.  I think there is just to many changes going on around me lately.  I have been though many many changes in my life and I have always been fine with them.  I think I am having a hard time with all of these new changes is because I am not in control of them.  I always made the decisions before about the changes that were going to be made.  Now I don't have that control anymore.  The kids are growing up (as they should) and they are able to make thier own choices.  Manda (my oldest) told me that I just want to have my kids around me.  That is probably true.  My kids have been the only thing that has stayed constant in my life for the last 23 years!  It is more than that though.  I was working at the Fowlerville Fair the other day for the resort that I work at and I saw a man and woman there who had four little boys with them and it reminded me of when my boys were all that young and I was constantly chasing them.  I realized that those days were gone forever for me.  That bothers me.  I am not sad about getting older, that doesn't bother me.  I just wish that my time with my "little" boys and my "little" girl had been longer.  It went by so fast.  I didn't even realize as it went by that someday I was going to miss it.  In fact I wanted them to walk, talk, go to school, learn to drive, as fast as they wanted to!!  Now I sit back and take a deep breathe and realize it is gone for good now.  Yes I will have it with my grandkids and yes I love my husband and am really looking forward to the time that we will be able to spend alone together now but................I miss those little kids of mine.  I  wish I could impress upon parents who have young ones how important these times are but I know that they feel alot like I felt when I was in the midst of raising them....hurried, tired, worn out.  I guess I never really believed that I would get to the point where I would be understanding all those things my mother told me!!  LOL!!  I think each day I realize more and more the importance of slowing down and enjoying more.  I think I am getting way to sappy!!!


stupidsheetguy said...

I haven't quite reached the point where they're leaving home on me yet, but I've had my moments where I realize something is changing and what once was is now a memory. I know that every new phase of our lives brings its own set of joys and sorrows, but I don't think we willingly let go of the old phase too quickly. It's one of those aspects of our lives that truly demonstrates "mixed emotions".

We do want them to be our kids forever, but we know that to truly love them, we have to let them blossom and begin their own lives. We just don't have to like it so much :)

my3gifts said...

I guess it's because of the death of Jordyn and all that she went through that I've truly worked hard to NOT wish away a single moment with the boys. I love every single day I have with them, even the bad ones, because I know I'll look back and miss them.

It's one of the many reasons we homeschool. I don't want someone else getting these moments. I KNOW I'm the one here to hear them read their first words, figure out their first math problems, watch as they do their first science experience. Not a stranger, not someone who doesn't love them, not someone who wouldn't die for them. How blessed I am!

Keeping you in my prayers.


my78novata said...

I have a 26 year old and a 19 year old. I hate this stage of life niether is married. so no grandkids. But let me tell you i heard a mom a while back complaining about how hard it was with her little ones I siad you have no idea what you are talking about!!!!!! thier world is your world  inside your four wallsa nd  you control and keep the outside out and how much outside gets in. now they are out in the world yes living at home but out in it and thier world is not here any more. you cant fix everything anymore thier hurts and pains!!!!!!!! I wish I culd wake up and sunggle with barney on tv and mr rogers and paint thier room vibrant colors and have toys and dolls stashed everywhere!!!!!!!!I DONT LIKE TIS AGE OF LIFE I want to go back to where they were 9 and 2~~~~~~~~

pixiedustnme said...

sappy is good, and i think different stages in life just take some getting used to.  pretty soom the sappy feels a little more normal and life goes on.  (and on a weird side note, for some reason the right side of your journal is cut it just me??)

jckfrstross said...

its always hard when the kids grow up:) enjoy your weekend


imgr8phil said...

You sound a bit melencholy.  Just be grateful for all those wonderful times and look forward to the future where you can watch your grandchildren grow up.  I wish I could have been there watching my daughter grow up.  Now she will be 16 next week and I don't even know her.  I will never know that little child, share those Christmas's or have those memories.  I envy you sweet Linda.  Have a nice weekend.


princesssaurora said...

LOL... I think I understand... I had the most wonderful dream the other night that I was pregnant again... and when I woke, I looked at my ten year old baby and was like... where did it go?????  Toooo fast... and each year faster.  Damn.

{{{{ mom to mom }}}

be well,

ekgillen said...

What a good reminder.  Griffin is only 7 but he is already "so grown".  I already miss "my baby" and I know this feeling is only going to get worse. :)  Two of my best friends had kids really young and are now dealing with a 19 year old and a 16 year old.  I have known both kids since they were itty bitty and I am amazed at how much I miss "the kid" in both of them and they are not even my kids! :)
((((BIG HUGS))))